As I Grow Older

as i grow older

When I was a little girl, I always wished I was a grown up. Now that I am a “grown up”, I sometimes wish I was still that little girl. Crazy right?

As I grow older and start to “grow up”, I start to realize things that never really crossed my mind before. I start to see things differently and start to finally understand what people were trying to tell me when I was still a spoiled adolescence. Although maturity doesn’t come with age, it sure comes with life experiences, which you eventually gain as the years go by.

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As a teenager, I often struggled with the meaning of my existence and my own identity. I wasn’t sure who I was then and what I was supposed to do in life. All I wanted as a teenager was to “grow up”, which to me meant getting out of high school, leaving my parents’ house, and basically doing what I wanted. Looking back I wonder “what was I thinking?”. The way I was brought up was that family is always first. No matter what family will always be there for you. I feel bad for families who are at war or who never talk to each other. When I got older and left my parents’ house, it only made me miss my home, my parents, my sisters even more, and made me want to come back home soon. Now when I hear teenagers or kids say “I wish I were older so I could do whatever I want”, I smile and think “Be careful what you wish for kid”. Now that I am older, I am happy to say that I do know what I stand for and the values I try to live my life by. I feel as I grow older, I am better able to see my own flaws more clearer without the arrogance of a spoiled teenager. I am self-aware of my own strengths and weaknesses and I better understand myself as a person.

When I was growing up, having friends seemed like one of the important things to have. The many friends you have the more cooler or popular you seemed to be. Back then it was all about quantity. As I got older, I realized that it is more quality. I start to realize that I don’t have time for the “drama” or negativity of toxic relationships. I often seek out others who are just like me in a way. People who support and motivate me throughout my life changes, whether it was something major like getting married or moving to another state or just simply going back to school. Why should I have to deal with people who suck the energy out of the room every time they open their mouths. I mean it’s really hard to express sympathy for a girl who doesn’t have enough money for the new IPhone when you actually have another friend who can barely afford food. Great friends are hard to find but when you do find them, don’t let them go.

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Another thing that kids often have problems with is the opinion of others. When I was much younger, I worried about what others thought about me, the choices I would make, the decisions or likes and dislikes I would make. As I got older and started making my choices, I started to think “to hell with what other people think”. I will do what I’m good at and work hard to find other opportunities for myself and my family. One thing I learned is that you cannot let people’s opinions control your outcome, or you will never be happy. I have one life to live and I will make it the best that I can!

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When I was younger, I often thought of love the same way they showed it in movies. Where you would fall in love with prince charming and he would whisk you away and you two would live happily ever after. Sounds cliché but in a way that’s what happened to me (to those that know me, don’t laugh). I met a wonderful man who I fell in love with. He asked me to marry him and we moved to another state to start our lives together. But it didn’t quite start like that. Being young and in love, all you want is the butterflies in the stomach feeling that comes with it. You build individuals in your head with all kinds of qualities to them even before you meet them. Which sometimes gets the best of us. Your so lost in love that you don’t realize the real person that they really are or trying to be. Then you feel cheated because it doesn’t turn out how you thought it would. As I got older, I learned to see people for who they really are, their strengths and weaknesses. I learned that people are not perfect, myself included. I learned to love the imperfections of the other and myself.

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Despite the many things I learn as I grow older, I’ll never lose the “kid” inside of me. No matter how old I get, I still indulge from time to time. I still love Disney cartoon movies, stuffed animals, zoos, aquariums, theme parks, and etc. Sure, I make changes in my life and become more responsible because I have to, and because of the freedom that comes with making my own choices. If I want freedom to be who I am, I need to do some things I might not enjoy, like paying bills and taking out the trash. It is important not to lose all of that as I grow older.

M.L.S.

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